Saturday, June 26, 2010

To Tell a Tale

I was talking with a friend on the phone awhile ago and we were anticipating my leaving this jaob and shift rotation in close to 9 months. I had mentioned that many times I had wanted to call in..the ol' so-called Mental Health Day thingy.
We remembered one time when I had told her " By gum, I am calling in tomorrow! I am. I'm really really going to do it this time!". I no longer remember her reply but she knows me as well as anyone outside my family does and I strongly suspect she knew I wouldn't. I swore I would. I double swore I would.
Next morning ( of course it was the hated day shifts) I woke to the alarm at 0340. I silenced it and said aloud to the cat " I am calling in this morning. I am.". She prudently remained silent but I can almost see the thought bubble over her head with the words " Suuuuure you are. Uh huh!".
I went to the kitchen and had a cuppa coffee that had already brewed. Made my breakfast and sat stubbornly in the living room drinking it. Went and booted up the my mail..ever conscious that the hands of time were creeping silently forward. It became 0430. " I'm calling in" said I to myself. " No hurry!".
At 0445, I was in the bathroom doing my makeup simply because I was going to have to have it on anyway while I went carousing about town on my Mental Health Day. I repeated aloud " I'm calling in sick. Sure am!" and did my hair and got dressed. I think it was unconscious on my part to get ready for work but at 0515 I was dressed, face on, hair done and I was gathering food for the day. (12 hrs. ya know). I said to myself " Better go on and call in..they need time to get a relief". I also justified fixing lunch and stuff as " I'll need it tomorrow when I go on in". Next thing I know I was in the car backing out of the drive way. Torqued my jaw! I thought..I really did think I could call in sick when I wasn't.
I just can't do it. I have threatened to do it so many times and I just can't do it. I have an enviable attendance record..why? Because I just can't make myself lie about being sick. I want to. I tried a time or two but I just can't do it.
We were reminiscing too about my having the horrible gall bladdar thing going on way back in the late 80's. Heck. I came to work anyway when I could hardly stay upright I was in so much pain. Doofus. Now THAT I will never do again. I was afraid of losing my job which was, unknown to me then, a false fear. I had the 3 kids to care for and I needed the money. We rank and file had to be out 3 days before we could get sick pay with the first 3 days unpaid and I just could not afford that. So I put myself in peril health-wise. I got promoted soon afterward and became an Officer having full sick leave instead of being hourly with little sick leave... that promotion was soon after I recovered from the 9 days in the hospital with the surgery and the 8 weeks I was out trying to recover as I had the invasive surgery because I waited too long and the stones had migrated into the Common Duct. ( and that too was why I had such acute pain).
Anyway, I was just thinking.." man, I don't want to go to work Monday" but you and I both know, barring death, I'll be there.

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