Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Tis Better 12/07

I was cleaning house and as always that is a good time to do some thinking undisturbed by calls or visitors.  My thoughts turned to those who live with fear and discomfort about love.  I am not speaking of a*busiv-e relationships, as never having had one, I am not equipped to have a say about that.  I am able however, from seeing it happen, to comment on those who are afraid to love.

Perhaps someone has put themselves forward in an attempt to win the love of another.  It could be a man, boy, woman or girl.  Age doesn't matter here.  And as happens most times, especially when one is  first learning about relationships and how those work, and when learning about various personalities of those they meet, they offer their friendship and then, assuming that progresses, they sometimes offer more.  Their love and regard.  Sometimes that is accepted, and sometimes it is not.

That can cause pain, embarrassment and sometimes heartbreak any time we are rejected, but the ideal thing is to learn something from the experience by and by when you can think about it more dispassionately. 

Sometimes the first thing is to realize that inexperience in relationships is normal and natural when starting out, and that there are so many personalities, wants, desires and wishes to learn about and contend with.  One size, in a manner of speaking, does not fit all.   And..if it is alright for you yourself to pick and choose among possibilities..(read reject those people)..why is it not alright for them to do the same toward you, that is to reject you as not what they need at the time. 

It may hard to deal with...it may singe your feelings or make you mad or wonder what is wrong with their heads to not see you as THE one...but it, rejection,  is definitely not a green light to reject yourself or be afraid to stick your neck out yet again, go into a swan dive or to become hardened to others as a protective device.

What if you loved something (pet perhaps)  or someone so very much and they died.  You would grieve of course if you are normal.  But should that experience turn you from ever loving another person or pet again so that you won't have to endure the pain of loss?  Of course not.  Yet I have seen that happen in those who suffered greatly at a death or even at a rejection of their offering of themselves.  Hardened and closed.  What a terrible waste to become closed to others except in the most superficial ways.  It is not living your life the way it is meant to be lived.  I have been saddened to see friends through my experience who have closed their hearts  to others...out of fear of emotional pain.

To be loved, one must offer love.  To have friends, one must be a friend.  It's better to pray and work sincerely to get the mote out of your eye and the ice from your heart. 

Next time, I'll just listen to my iPod while cleaning.  :-)

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